Weekly Davar - Beshalach Separation: Sexist or Sensible?

Torah Portion

The Jews leave Egypt. Pharaoh chases. The sea splits. The Jews come out the other side. The Egyptians don’t. The Jews sing a prophetic song in praise of God then promptly initiate their millennia long love affair with complaining about Him! God provides mannah. Amalek attacks and is repulsed. And that’s about it till next week.


Davar Torah
Separation: Sexist or Sensible?

I'm know I'm going a little close to the edge with this one. But I feel it’s an important topic and I'm not one to avoid saying something even if not all might agree with me.
 
After the Jewish People as a whole have celebrated their salvation at the Red Sea, the women go away to dance and sing on their own. Much is said about separation of the sexes in Judaism (and other religions) – that is it sexist in nature. In my mind, it is simply humble, honest and realistic in nature – nothing to do with sexism. Let me explain.
 
I was reading today of a policeman in Manchester who has been suspended from his work because he is accused of having sexual relations with 5 different women whilst on duty and, on occasion, in the police station itself. Reading the article, but knowing human nature also, I am doubtful that he thought it was a good idea to do what he was doing – even whilst he actively engaged in doing so. This by no means absolves him of responsibility for his choices (nor does it absolve the women involved for their role either) but my sense is that his desire was so strong that, in the moment, it appeared to him that he had no choice but to do what he did.
 
Judaism says that there is a passionate animal inside every one of us. That animal is, as is usually the way with animals, unpredictable and can surface at the most unexpected of moments. It is indiscriminate and amoral in its perspective of the world – and it can seem irresistible at certain moments in our lives. It is not irresistible but when it seems like it is, it’s very hard to see it differently.
 
So Judaism has a simple principle. If you’re on a diet, don’t have a big fat cheesecake in your fridge. We are human beings and it’s hard enough to follow what makes sense to us without adding extra complications. Judaism believes this nowhere more strongly than in the area of man-woman relationships. The general idea is – as much as is realistically possible, create boundaries between the sexes.  One simple example is the laws of yichud – in essence, a man and woman who are not related to each other or married must not be alone in a private room together. My feeling is that had this police officer lived in a society where this was adhered to, he would still be in his job today. Now I know people might say this is a little simplistic – he could have taken these ladies home or met them at their homes. Or his desires could have led him to break the law of yichud just as they led him to break other ethical codes. But in my experience, the more feeling of distance you create, the less likely it is for something like this to happen.
 
Sex is not something without consequences – it does not end once the act is over. Apart from something extreme, like the policeman in question, there are emotional consequences, spiritual consequences and physical consequences that can be deep and lasting. Conscious or subconscious, its effects go beyond the simple experience and a night of ‘fun’ can be something that haunts for a long time.
 
So I believe that Judaism does well in aiming to protect us from ourselves. It doesn’t make sense to put ourselves into situations that might lead us innocently, but actively, to make choices that we will come to regret. Of course, it requires a balance, it requires sensitivity, it requires common sense – and it requires that sex, in moving away from the forefront of society, moves to a position of holiness and preciousness, not to a position where it is taboo and ‘dirty’. These balances are not easy to find. But I believe that in trying to find them, we would protect our marriages, our families and our self esteem from passions and desires that are challenging for us to overcome.

Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi Shaul Rosenblatt


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