Weekly Davar - The Pain of Causing Pain (Vayikra)

The only two birds that can be used as offerings in the Temple are doves and pigeons. The Rabbis say that that these are the two birds that are most ‘chased’, but never chase. They are often preyed upon by other birds, but they never prey upon others themselves. The Rabbis say so too a human being. Much as we do not like being ‘preyed upon’ by others, there is one thing that is much worse and that is preying on others ourselves.

Let me give an example. It’s a terrible thing to be stolen from; someone breaks into your home and takes that which belongs to you. But do you know who is much worse off than you in those circumstances? The person who stole from you. You have lost something of financial value. He, however, is a thief. You will most likely replace what you have lost. He can never replace the fact that he has stolen. In this world and the next he must live with the spiritual consequences of his choices.

When I was studying at Yeshiva in Jerusalem many years ago, a holocaust survivor came into the study hall. He was shouting at the people studying there asking them how they could study God’s words when God had abandoned His people in Europe – when his people had suffered more than anyone in history? One of the young men studying at the Yeshiva pointed something out to him that moved him very deeply. He said that the Nazis were worse off than the Jews. The survivor obviously did not disagree. So the young man asked him, ‘so if you had the choice at the time, you would have chosen to be the Nazi guard of the Death Camp instead of the Jewish slave?’ The survivor said to him, ‘send me back right this moment and let me be the murdered and not the murderer.’ To him, it would be worth going through all of the suffering again rather than be a murderer.

It applies everywhere in life. If I hurt my spouse, the one who I truly hurt is myself. My spouse will get over it, but I have to live with the pain that I have caused. A husband who has an affair, for example, might enjoy the experience momentarily and might pretend to himself that he does not feel badly at all. But the pain of what he has done will live buried within him for the rest of his life.

The pain of the one who ‘is chased’ is superficial and transitory. The pain of the one who ‘chases’ is deep and eternal. The pain others can cause us pales into insignificance in light of the pain we can cause ourselves when hurt those around us.