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Weekly Davar - When We Compromise We Win

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(Leviticus 6-8)

17th March 2011
11th Adar II 5771

Good Afternoon!! Amongst the destruction of the earthquake and subsequent tsunami in Japan are stories of hope. There is terrible pain and loss, to be sure. But the story of human history has always been the story of resilience, of resourcefulness, working together and the hope of a brighter future. News reports say there is no looting in Japan; that’s something for a country to be very proud of – there was looting in the UK when we had flooding and in the US after Katrina. But not in Japan after a far greater disaster. There are stories of doctors working round the clock for days on end, of medical staff and nuclear plant workers remaining in an exclusion zone in order to help others. Times like this can bring out the worst in people – but they can also bring out the best. It seems that the latter has been happening so far in Japan.

Torah Portion

This portion continues the theme of sacrifices.

Davar Torah

This portion is again about sacrifices in the Temple. The word in Hebrew for bringing a sacrifice is luhakriv, literally ‘to bring close’. On the one hand there is a sense of bringing an offering close to God, but there is an additional idea behind it which was pointed out to me this week by my colleague, Rabbi Chaim Levine – when we make a sacrifice for someone else, it brings us closer to each other.

But it does not, as one might think, make the person we sacrifice for feel closer to us; rather, the opposite: it makes us feel closer to them.

The classic example is a parent and child. Who makes the sacrifices?.........And who usually feels closer?

When we sacrifice for others, much as we are reluctant to believe it, the true recipients are ourselves.

It’s hardest to see, but perhaps most significant, in marriage. It seems so blatantly obvious to us that when we compromise, we lose. But quite the opposite is true. When we compromise, we win. Yes, if we do it with a bitter heart and with resentment, we will likely reap that which we sow. But when we compromise with love, it hurts and frustrates us a little bit to make the sacrifice, but on a deeper spiritual level, it makes us feel so much closer.

Let me explain how I see the mechanism.

The only thing between any one of us and the love for another human being is our ego. We get caught up in pettiness; we let unimportant things appear very significant; we don’t allow ourselves to forgive, holding grudges for reasons we eventually can’t even remember.

When we find humility within ourselves, we find love. When we are not competing; when we can let go of the burning need to hold on to our own self importance, we find love, which burns eternal within us, rising to the surface.

Sacrifice humbles us. Compromise pushes down our ego. Once the ego has gone on its merry way, we can allow ourselves to feel close. Coming close to others is not something we need to actively work on. It’s just something we need to stop ourselves getting in the way of.

Sacrifices in marriage humble us and from a place of humility, there is always a deeper sense of love for our spouses. Sacrifices are precious currency in a relationship.

And an offering to God brings us close also. As the Infinite Being, He does not need our sacrifices. But through the humility of doing so, we are able to feel so much closer ourselves.~

Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi Shaul Rosenblatt

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