Weekly Davar: Careful What You Wish For

Good afternoon! I read recently that 7 out of 10 divorces in the UK are initiated by women. It was a surprise to me as when I counsel couples who are dating, I find that men are almost always the ones who have an issue with commitment. I have some thoughts on this, but I thought I might throw it out as another open question (thanks to all of you who responded on the Greek crisis last week by the way). Any thoughts?
 
Torah Portion

This portion is one of the most fascinating and psychologically revealing in the whole Torah. Bilaam, a Moabite, is granted a level of prophecy equal to that of Moses. He is an intriguing character   honour driven, arrogant, money chasing and narcissistic. Sounds like a lot of people we might know, or perhaps even similar to ourselves if we are honest enough.

Balak, the king of Moab, seeing that conventional weapons have not worked and being around 3,000 years away from a nuclear option, decides to hire Bilaam to curse the Jewish people. Bilaam accepts the assignment - more for the profit motive than the prophet motive. God allows Bilaam to go with Balak, but Bilaam does warn Balak that he will only be able to say that which God allows him to. Three times Bilaam tries to curse the Jewish People and three times God places prophetic blessings in his mouth instead. His prophecies are some of the most poetic and beautiful parts of the whole Torah. The whole story is well worth a read.

Davar Torah

Bilaam desperately wanted to curse the Jewish people. After all, Balak was going to pay him a fortune. Just a little curse and he would have been set for life. Being a prophet, and hence able to speak to God, He asked God’s permission to do so and God refused. No surprise there. But when Balak’s messengers return, offering even more money, Bilaam, astoundingly, asks God again. Does Bilaam really think that God will change His mind? More astoundingly, though, God does actually change His mind and allows Bilaam to go.

The Rabbis say that we see a fundamental principle over here: God leads a person in the way he wants to go. Every one of us has the ability to be exactly who and what we want to be. Bilaam wanted to do something bad and asked God if he could. God said no. But when Bilaam pushed harder and harder, God allowed him to make the choices that would eventually destroy him. Freewill is the most precious and important of God’s gifts to humanity. In almost every circumstance, God will allow it to remain intact no matter what the consequences.

If you want something, the Rabbis say, you will have it. But you have to want it. A person who really wants to make millions – but can’t seem to get out of bed in the morning – clearly doesn’t really want it. A person who wants a successful relationship – but isn’t willing to make the incredible effort and compromises that are required – doesn’t really want it. When a person wants, they are hungry. They will put in the effort and make the sacrifices.

Life is about wanting. What we really want, we almost always get. But if we are wishy-washy, we won’t make the effort – and if we don’t make the effort for ourselves, God will not make the effort for us either.

Wanting goes both ways. Be sure that what you chase after is what you really do want. Bilaam chased – and when he was given what he chased, it destroyed him. Our wanting can do the same. Before you spend your life chasing something – be it money, be it honour, be it what you believe to be good – make sure you are confident that when you get it, you are going to be happy. Because God will usually give you what you want, even when it isn’t good for you. That’s the beauty of freewill. We are masters of our own destiny. Our choices can raise us to the skies and our choices can make us the most miserable people on earth. The person who chooses what he wants with great care, then pursues it with all his heart, is the one who will find the deepest sense of fulfilment that life has to offer.

Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi Shaul Rosenblatt

 

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