Weekly Davar: Mattos - Till Divorce Do Us Part

Mattos 19th Tammuz 5771

Torah Portion

The portion starts with vows and their annulment. It continues with the war against Midian – the only war that the Jewish people initiated in the Torah, albeit with great provocation. The spoils of war were split. Half for those who went to war and half for those who stayed behind. If one must go to war, one must do so for the right reasons, not to make a quick buck. Finally, we are told the story of the tribes of Reuben and Gad who see good land for their cattle on the East bank of the Jordan and wish to remain. Moses believes they are running away from the upcoming battle for Canaan, but they assure him they will fight first and then return to this land. God grants them permission to keep the east bank as long as they keep their promise to fight with their brothers first. I don’t want to get geopolitical here, but forget the West Bank – if we talk Biblically, the East Bank (nowadays Jordan) belongs to Israel also!!

Davar Torah

The start of this week’s portion is about vows. Judaism is uncompromising on verbal commitments. Your word is your bond.
 
Apart from murdering millions of people, one of the lasting harms that Adolf Hitler helped perpetrate in our world is a breakdown of trust. There was time when a man’s word genuinely meant something. Business deals would be concluded with a handshake – and it meant more than the most detailed of contracts. People used to trust each other, even when it came to money. That’s why Chaimberlain was not as naive as everyone thinks to return from Munich waving a piece of paper. He lived in a world where people actually trusted each other to stick to agreements. Commitments were commitments until Hitler came along. He’s not entirely to blame, but he certainly played a role.
 
One of the most significant commitments that anyone will make in their life is that of marriage. We don’t use the words in Judaism, but we agree on the sentiment, ‘for better, for worse.....till death us do part’. When I marry couples today, the sense I get is that there is another unstated but understood element added to this vow, ‘.....till death or divorce us do part’. Pre nuptial agreements are rife. Consider for a minute what a prenup is: a ‘commitment’ PRIOR to making the ‘commitment’ of marriage, as to how our divorce is going to work. I'm not saying that prenups might not be a necessary evil in our generation – but they provide a very sad commentary on how people relate to commitment and trust nowadays. Two people who trust each other and make a genuine commitment to giving their all to make a marriage work need no prenup. (Even my Microsoft spellchecker puts a red squiggly line under prenup.)
 
So let’s talk for a moment about what the word commitment does mean. A commitment is: a verbal or written undertaking to follow through on an action or set of actions, EVEN WHEN I don’t feel like it, I'm not getting what I want out of it, it doesn’t suit me anymore, I don’t feel happy with it, I find a better alternative, it’s no longer in my interests, it’s no longer what I want, I realise I made a mistake etc etc etc ad childish infinitum almost. If that sounds scary to some people, it is; because commitments are challenging undertakings – but without commitments, we play life with meaningless monopoly money. Commitments, hard as they are, are the ONLY way to make life real and meaningful. Having run out of space, I'm going to explain why that is next week.

Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi Shaul Rosenblatt

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