Weekly Davar Massei: Who Needs Commitments?

Massai
Numbers 33– End
28th July 2011
26th Tammuz 5771

GOOD AFTERNOON!! I was in Israel this week and found myself complaining about the weather – it was just so hot. Thinking about it, I could complain a lot about Israel if I wanted – the chutzpah, the pushing into queues, the lack of manners; there’s a lot to be said. But I know that there’s a lot to complain about in England also. Only God is perfect. There is no country and no people that even comes close to perfection. Complaining only serves to blur the goodness. So I changed my tune. Someone asked me how the weather was and I said that it was way too hot for me – but that Israel is a beautiful and precious gift that I am deeply grateful for. There’s nothing wrong with seeing the negative – as long as your focus is ultimately on the good.

Torah Portion

Massei includes the complete list of journeys in the desert and God's instructions to divide the land by a national lottery system – it didn’t pay as much as Euromillions, but everyone got a good portion of land. God established the borders of the land of Israel. New leadership was appointed. Cities of the Levites and Cities of Refuge (where an accidental murderer could seek asylum) were designated. The laws were set forth regarding manslaughter and murder.

Davar Torah

Last week I said that I would continue on the issue of commitment and talk about why life only really begins with commitments. Why do I say that commitments the only way to a meaningful life?
At first glance, who needs commitments? Why would I want to tie myself down? Surely leaving my options open so that when something isn’t working for me I can switch to something else, is a more sensible way of living?
Let’s consider our relationships with others for a moment. Trade between people, necessary for the basic function of human society, relies on trust – and trust relies on commitment. If I can’t be sure that the other guy is going to see the deal through, I won’t work with him in the first place. Business unequivocally requires commitments – and that’s why lawyers make a lot of money. This type of commitment is very much in our long term interests even if we lose out on the odd deal or two. Marriage is the same thing. If I feel that my partner may well walk away when he or she gets bored, finds a more exciting relationship or starts to go in a different direction in life, why would I invest fully into the relationship? If we want our partners to invest in our relationship, we need to give them full commitment – a promise that their time, energy and love will not get poured down the drain just because I start to feel differently. Deep, long term relationships are just not possible without commitment. There’s for sure a sacrifice to be made, but no pain, no gain. The alternative is a series of shallow, momentarily exciting, but ultimately unfulfilling, relationships that people try to convince themselves were worth it.
This leads me to the reason behind why we need commitments: simply because we are human. Anything that we want to accomplish in life looks great to start with, but once we get going and the initial excitement wears off, it gets difficult. And most likely we will squirm when it gets difficult and look to back out. We know it’s right; we know it’s good; we know we need to do it. But we balk at the immediacy of the effort and look for an easier solution. And easier solutions are always going to be less fulfilling. The only way to follow a path of meaningful accomplishment is to make commitments when we have the clarity – to prevent us from backing out when we don’t. Sometimes there is a genuine reason to back out and Torah is realistic about this, but most of the time we are just getting cold feet because it’s difficult. And if we live a life of walking away every time things get difficult, we’ll look back at the end of it all and feel that we didn’t accomplish anything. Commitments keep us buoyant in a difficult and challenging world – and ensure that, circumstance permitting, we will always accomplish the meaningful goals that we set for ourselves. Without them, we are playing life with Monopoly money.

Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi Shaul Rosenblatt

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