Weekly Davar Pinchas: Playing With Fire Burns

GOOD AFTERNOON!! Thank you for those who responded to my question last week about why more women initiate divorces than men. I hope to get back to you all directly in due time and I apologise that I have not yet done so. The general theme of many responses was that men cheat more than women. This may be people’s perception, but (at least according to the text service 63336) women have just as many affairs as men nowadays. So I think we need to look for a different solution.

There is a film night at Tikun this Sunday. We are showing, ‘Praying with Lior’. If you haven’t seen it, I recommend it very highly. It is about a young Down Syndrome boy coming up to his barmitzvah. It is a deeply moving and uplifting film. Please click this link to find out more.

Torah Portion

Pinchas is rewarded for his bravery in last week’s portion by being made a Priest. God commands Moses to attack the Midianites as a response to their successful attempt to seduce the Jewish people to idol worship. The division of the land of Israel amongst the Tribes is discussed. The five daughters of Tzlafchad – a man who died in the desert and left no sons – come forward to petition Moses regarding their right of inheritance. They believe that Moses has made a mistake and Moses asks God, who responds in their favour. Daughters may inherit in the same way as sons.

Moses is instructed to climb Mt. Nebo to look at the land into which he may not enter, then to appoint Joshua as the leader of the Jewish people in his stead. The portion concludes with a detailed explanation of the offerings relevant to each festival.

Davar Torah

At the risk of being accused of Puritanism, I present something a little different this week.

Zimri ben Salu was seduced by one of the princesses whom the Midianites had sent for that exact purpose. He engaged with her sexually and was encouraged to worship her idols, which he did. The Rabbis tell us that Zimri was none other than Shlumiel ben Tzurishaday the Prince of the tribe of Shimon. He was one of the men who had brought the offerings at the inception of the Tabernacle, one of the great leaders and righteous men of the Jewish People. And yet he betrayed his wife, his family and, ultimately, his People. What happened to him?

The answer is very simple: sex. The Rabbis tell us ain apitropus luarius. We trust no one, NO ONE when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. It doesn’t matter how great, how holy, how righteous, how committed, how decent and upstanding.... it’s all irrelevant. There is an animal inside of every human being that has the ability to pounce when it’s least expected.

Husbands and wives both know that their marriage, their family and their children’s emotional wellbeing are all on the line when they have affairs. Does that stop those that do? Politicians know that everything they have worked for is on the line when they have a fling with an aide who is 20 or 30 years their junior. Does it help? When the excitement and thrill of the relationship appears on the horizon, all reason goes out of the window.

Judaism has many regulations to help people try to avoid circumstances that might lead to something they will regret. It is not prudish or puritanical – simply realistic. A man and woman cannot be alone in a room together unless others are coming and going regularly. Would Bill Clinton have had his relationship with Monica Lewinsky if he had kept to that simple rule? Men and women who are not married do not touch and do not become overly friendly. We sit separately in Synagogue and at certain social events. In the Orthodox world a man will often not refer to another man’s wife by her first name and vice versa. The Rabbis suggest that the more separation one can create between the sexes, the better. And in our society, where affairs are a common occurrence, what they say rings very true.

If there was a minefield in the middle of a city, we would put large barbed wire fences around it with warning signs. As a Rabbi, I meet enough people whose homes have been destroyed by moments, or extended periods, of madness to know that when the flame of attraction is fanned, common sense and reason rarely prevail. This does not at all mean that people are not responsible for their decisions and their actions – of course they are. But the challenge is not one that a person would want to come up against. I am consistently shocked at the casualness with which men and women relate to each other both in the workplace and socially. It’s playing with fire. And fire burns. Zimri ben Salu is Torah’s example of the consequences – but surely there are enough examples all around us to make us realise that we need more fences than we have right now for ourselves.

Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi Shaul Rosenblatt

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